


Regret was not a sentiment or a word that Daiki Aomine was familiar with

by suzakukills



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-20
Updated: 2012-10-20
Packaged: 2017-11-16 15:48:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/541177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzakukills/pseuds/suzakukills
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aomine muses on his actions after the InterHigh Quarter Final match between Kaijou and Tōō Academy... when he left Kise lying on the ground, unable to get up and walked right past him.  (Set on ep. 25 Anime / 63-73 Manga)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regret was not a sentiment or a word that Daiki Aomine was familiar with

Regret was not a sentiment or a word that Daiki Aomine was familiar with.  He took things as they came and didn’t let anyone or anything bully him into doing otherwise.

Sure, this attitude of him might come across as selfish or heartless and Aomine was aware of that, but really if someone was going to get all hot and bothered over his honesty then, in his books, they weren’t worth his time.

So, what was this uneasy feeling he had – that reverberated throughout his body; it wouldn’t stop, he felt anxious, like he was sitting in a waiting room at the hospital and needed the doctor to come out of surgery. He felt jumpy, and every time Satsuki called out his name he’d snap at her. It had come to the point where he almost got into a fight with his teammates (he was already accustomed to the nagging for always being late, but somehow he had no patience for it this time) and the coach had ordered him to take a week off and cool his head.

Nothing seemed to work, whether at home or at the court, and he couldn’t even sleep for more than a couple of hours without waking up, covered in sweat and feeling even worse than before he’d gone to sleep.

There was nobody he could talk to this about. Acknowledging this would prove that he wasn’t as detached as he came off, it would mean that there was still heart left in him, it would mean that years ago, when he realized that no one out there was left to defeat him – and he closed off any emotional investment he had in Basketball, in his team and in his friends… It would mean it wasn’t permanent, it wasn’t forever and it hadn’t quite worked out as he thought it had.

He convinced himself that what he did, he did it to make Kise stronger, he did it out of pure selfishness, that he had done it for himself, because it Kise could surpass him then he might be able to regain some of the passion he lost along the way.

But no amount of logical explanations made the hole in the pit of his stomach go away or grow any smaller, because everytime he closed his eyes he could see Kise’s face – his expression as he tried to look up and couldn’t manage, as he slumped his head and shoulders and as his legs trembled.

He could read the few seconds of hope that the blond had shown him, hope for Aomine to help him up, to hold him and say _It’s okay, you did your best, you will get there_.

Instead he walked right past him.

At the end of the game, there was an exploding anger in him, he was irritated and upset. Kise had done something completely out of character – he had passed, he had passed to his captain, and that had been the end of it; for Aomine it had been like the final push he needed to completely destroy the other team, but it didn’t make sense how this whirlwind of negative emotions had taken over, if the game had to go on for another quarter who knows what might have happened.

He managed to turn it around, but he had  lost control of himself. It was a dangerous  thing, and the results went much further than just making Kise’s team lose, they made Aomine say hurtful things and do even worst ones.

It wasn’t the same.

To break someone whom you cared for, whom you held in high-regard, whom you… loved? It wasn’t easy. Breaking someone who you had absolutely zero regard for was like taking a stroll in the park.

Did this mean that what he felt for Kise was real? How long had this been here, in his heart, inside of him? How could he make this go away? Why was the most infuriating moment in the whole game the way Kasamatsu had held Kise in his arms, supported him and half-carried him back to the lockers?

Kasamatsu had managed something that Aomine couldn’t. He was Kise’s equal.  Sure, by title he was still his Sempai, but the truth was that the hierarchy didn’t translate off-court, and that he wasn’t platonic in the way that Aomine had been for Kise.

There was always something separating them, something that didn’t quite break until the last few minutes of the last quarter of the game, but what Aomine had done in the end took it to another level, it had destroyed the equality that had subtly grasped them both for a moment.

He would not apologize, he would not call him or attempt to contact him. He would not pass him a note, a message or drop by his house. He would not offer to heal his wounds or solve the dispute in the court with a one-on-one. It was too late for that.

Aomine knew why. It wasn’t because of his pride, it was because for the first time In a long time he was afraid, afraid that Kise wouldn’t accept the apology, that he would not answer the phone. That he would ignore the note, would refuse to open the door. That he would ask him to leave or turn around and all that he would ever see again would be the outline of the blond’s back – and standing next to him would be number 4.

Regret was not a sentiment or a word that Daiki Aomine was familiar with.  Not until he met Ryota Kise, not until he trampled his dreams and left him lying in the floor, his body and mind shaking, not until he walked past his former teammate and friend without a second glance. Not until he realized that the person he loved had been destroyed by his own hands.  

 

 


End file.
